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Hey ryanri123,

My guess is that even though you love your girlfriend, and this is something you feel like you really want to do, that you also realize that this is a HUGE step to take.  Even when you use condoms or birth control, there is a still a risk of things like pregnancy and STDs.  It is perfectly logical to be aware of that in the back of your mind.  You probably know that not having sex is the only 100% sure way to prevent pregnancy and STDs…so as much as you feel like you want to, there is still some hesitation.

The only person who can tell you why your girlfriend is saying (or writing) the things that she says is your girlfriend.  These are the things that you need to discuss with her.  If you are thinking about having sex with a person, you should be able to talk to that person about anything.

I hope this is helpful!

Hi a.girl,

It’s really common for people to feel horny or aroused frequently when they’re going through puberty. That’s perfectly normal and not something that you need to be ashamed of. Different people come up with different solutions for how to manage it. It’s important to look at your own values and decide what does or doesn’t feel comfortable for you. If you decide for yourself that partnered sex isn’t an option for you right now–which it sounds like you have–then that’s totally OK.

You could always consider masturbation, which is a safe and healthy way of releasing some sexual tension and learning about your body without the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Masturbating is not damaging to your physical health.

If that doesn’t feel like a good choice for you, some people find that exercise is one way to get energy out there and keep your mind off of sexual feelings. Working out or playing a sport can sometimes be a good release.

Here’s some more information you might find helpful:

Masturbation: Nice Girls Do!