Netcoves.com

Hi a.girl,

It’s really common for people to feel horny or aroused frequently when they’re going through puberty. That’s perfectly normal and not something that you need to be ashamed of. Different people come up with different solutions for how to manage it. It’s important to look at your own values and decide what does or doesn’t feel comfortable for you. If you decide for yourself that partnered sex isn’t an option for you right now–which it sounds like you have–then that’s totally OK.

You could always consider masturbation, which is a safe and healthy way of releasing some sexual tension and learning about your body without the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Masturbating is not damaging to your physical health.

If that doesn’t feel like a good choice for you, some people find that exercise is one way to get energy out there and keep your mind off of sexual feelings. Working out or playing a sport can sometimes be a good release.

Here’s some more information you might find helpful:

Masturbation: Nice Girls Do!

In most states in the US, you have to be 18 or older to purchase sex toys; in some states, you have to be 21 or older.  In one state, Alabama, sex toys are illegal even for adults.  As far as New York State goes, some stores that sell sex toys will not even let someone under the age of 21 walk into the store regardless of whether they try to purchase something.  So if you are under 21, you probably wouldn’t be able to walk into Spencer’s or anyplace else and purchase a sex toy.

Hey, theritegirl.  We don’t think it’s weird to be curious about anything having to do with sex and sexuality.  And it’s great that you have a friend you’re close enough with to talk to about this stuff.

One thing to keep in mind is that your friend, although he is gay, really can’t speak for all gay boys or men.  Everyone is different.  Many gay men do not choose to have anal sex at all.  Just like with a guy and a girl or two girls, every couple is different.  So how they get turned on and how they rub their bodies together can vary from couple to couple.

Similarly, if both guys are turned on then both could have an erection.  Erections, however, can be at different stages during any given sex act — regardless of whether this is two guys or a guy and a girl.  What your bff is slightly mistaken on is that lack of erection means that a guy isn’t experiencing pleasure.  That’s not necessarily true.  Sometimes a guy will lose his erection because he’s not experiencing pleasure; sometimes his erection will go down because he’s not necessarily getting direct stimulation/touching; sometimes it will go down because he’s just ejaculated (cum); and sometimes it will just simply go down.  Similarly, plenty of guys will have erections even though their partner isn’t directly touching their penis.  Everyone is different, and it’s normal to be different!

“Her period was two weeks late, and I never have waited so long for something. I was thinking, I’m not ready for a child.”

—David, New Jersey

Read More

“I regret the first time I had sex. I was very young, naive and irresponsible. I was under the impression that all of my friends were having sex, which I now know was not true.”

—Lee, 17, Oregon

Read More

Hi,

So my boyfriend and I have been talking about having sex for a while and we plan on doing it in the near future. We are both virgins (and STD free!!), and even though we are both ready, I’m a bit nervous that something could break or leak and I end up pregnant. The reason why I’m so concern is that the woman in my family are very fertile– no one has any trouble with getting pregnant. So one slip, and WHOOPS! Here comes baby! (I seriously don’t want that to happen). So here are my questions:

1) If a woman is very fertile, would she have a greater chance of getting pregnant, even with a condom?

2) Is it a good idea to invest in buying not only a lubricant condom, but also a Today Sponge/ birth control/ Plan B just in case something goes wrong even though it’ll be super expensive (ugh)? Or am I thinking WAY to much about this and as long as we use the male condom correctly we’ll be fine?

3) Even if a condom is used correctly, can it still leak?

4) How much is birth control usually? We have a Planned Parenthood clinic in the town I live in, but I personally don’t earn enough money to pay for birth control and gas and everything else I need. Also, I was on Yasmine a few years ago and became sick off of it (it was horrible). If I decide to use birth control, I’m able to get tested to make sure I don’t get sick again, correct?

Ok, I know I asked a lot of questions, but I am really curious and nervous and I really want/need to know these things. I’ve already done a ton of research on the internet about different kind of condoms/ how to use condoms correctly/ and where I can get Plan B in the town I live in as well as my boyfriends in case of an emergency. These are basically the only questions I couldn’t find answers to (besides the price of birth control, but I want to hear that from someone reading this, if that’s understandable) and I really, really don’t want to ask my parents about the fertile thing because, well, they are my parents and my boyfriend and I are still in high school.

Please help put my nerves to a end! I want our first time to be fun and enjoyable and not “Omg! I’m so nervous!!! Did it break!? CHECK IT NOW!”

Thank you!

Hey chelsbabe,

I’m glad you wrote in.  I totally understand that you are curious and feel that you are ready to lose your virginity, however I do have a few concerns based on what you told me.  

My first concern is that you are thinking about having sex with this guy and there has been no conversation between the two of you about this.  Prior to having sex it is really important to talk to your partner about safety and expectations and make sure that this is actually a person that you trust.

Another concern I have it that you say this guy is a sex fanatic.  Do you know if he has been tested for STDs?  How will you protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy or STDs?  These are things you really need to discuss with him well before you decide you are going to have sex.

As far as what you can personally expect, we get that question from a lot of girls on the site, so we actually have an FAQ about that.  You can check that out here: http://www.sexetc.org/faq/sex/782.

Hey theritegirl,

Great questions!  There are a few things in your post that we need to address.  The first is that if you live in the United States and you are under the age of 18 it is illegal to buy or own sex toys such as vibrators and dildos.

With that said, anyone regardless of sexual orientation (if you are heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual or even gay) and even gender (yes, men too) can use either of these items.  As for which is better to use or more talked about, you are correct…it is really a matter of personal preference…just like any kind of sexual activity.

I hope that this is helpful!

“The first time I had sex is something I regret very much. Now that I think about it, I was very young and naive and irresponsible. I believe that I was under the…”

—Lee, 17, Oregon

Read More

A few weeks ago me and my bf were together. We didn’t have intercourse, but I did touch him.. and he ejaculated on my hand. Not immediately, but several minutes later I touched myself. I was on my period (the third day of it I believe).

I am freaked out because I read online that it is possible for a woman to ovulate during or right after her period. Also, my breast are really sore. They seem sorer than normal, and the soreness started about the 30th of Januaray. (My last period was januaray 12th or so and my next period is suppost to be feburary 9th or 10th.. not exactly sure). It seems weird that they started to be sore because they usually start feeling like that a week before I start….

I really don’t know what to think… I am just paranoid? Its hard for me to concentrate in school because I keep thinking about what ifs…..